Rhino's Sports Pub and Bacon Bistro

As a gift for Thanksgiving (gift-giving on Thanksgiving? Yes, we hope this fun really takes off), I received a Lego Star Wars Advent calendar. The pieces are small, but I’m going to try to the best of my ability to keep a tally of what treats it presents between now and Christmas Day …

Dec. 1: Radiant VII (it’s the first spaceship you see in “Star Wars: Episode I – A Phantom Menace”. Kind of a ho-hum start, but maybe this thing is building up to something grand as we approach the big holiday … )
Dec.2: Nute Gunray (you know, that Trade Federation hack whose actions helped set in motion the events of the Clone Wars.)
Dec. 3: That Trade Federation spider hologram mechano-walker chair thing (a quick Google search did not reveal the appropriate name for this thing, so I’m going to name it myself: TF-R17 holo-seat 7958 class. It gives ol’ Nute a great place to sit down and command the feeble Trade Federation army)
Dec. 4: OG-9 homing spider droid (built it, looked at it, played with it, looked at it again, and still had no clue what it was. Had to go to the Google to figure this one out. Turns out, this droid made My Star Wars droid power rankings, by default, however.)
Dec. 5: Slave-1 (which made its debut in Star Wars: Episode V – The Empire Strikes Back, but its chronological debut in Star Wars: Episode II – Attack of the Clones. I will use this opportunity to rail against the hapless way Boba Fett died in Star Wars: Episode VI – Return of the Jedi. It probably should have been a bit more epic. I have no qualms with how Jango Fett perished … he should have known better than to mess with a Jedi, particularly the mighty Mace Windu.)
Dec. 6: Chewy (what a St. Nicholas Day treat … the mighty Chewbacca, a lead character in the Star Wars Holiday Special, among other adventures.)
Dec. 7: Barrel for tools, bowcaster (well, yeah, this one seemed like a lost piece from the Lego Toolshed Advent calendar. Not sure if this piece made an appearance in any of the films, and at first seems like a workstation for the contracted temp workers on the second Death Star. Instead, it makes sense — sorta-kinda somewhat — if you pair it with the previous day’s piece — Chewbacca — since it has his bowcaster.)
Dec. 8: Luke Skywalker, in X-Wing Fighter pilot gear (was it just a coincidence that the day Luke Skywalker is a part of the Lego Star Wars Advent calendar that it was announced that scientists are about to find The Force? I think not.)
Dec. 9: X-Wing Fighter (probably the coolest piece yet … the very intergalactic fighter craft that played a prominent role in taking down the very first — “the ultimate power in the universe” that earned some Imperial hack a choke job at the hands of Darth Vader — Death Star. Did you know that the maximum speed of an X-Wing is 3,700 Gs? You can learn fun stuff like this on the Internet^(source).)
Dec. 10: Imperial shuttle (which has fold-able wings so that it can land like a dainty butterfly.)
Dec. 11: Trade Federation battle droid (yup, those wimpy, mass-produced droids that had a sad, sad existence in the prequel trilogy.)
Dec. 12: Snowspeeder (cool equipment of the Rebel Alliance only appeared in Star Wars: Episode V – The Empire Strikes Back in the Battle of Hoth — Hoth? They should call it ‘Coldth’.)
Dec. 13: R2-Q5 (an astromech droid, but not THE astromech droid, which makes this piece’s inclusion kinda cool. R2-Q5 met an unfortunate end on the second Death Star.)
Dec. 14: Mouse droid (Mouse droid! Which just so happens to top My Star Wars droid power rankings.)
Dec. 15: Clone gunship (or, Los Altitude Assault Transport for short.)
Dec. 16: Clone trooper (straight outta the “Grand Army of the Republic,” Clone Troopers were decidedly better shots than their successors, the Stormtroopers, the clumsy “Soldiers of the Empire,” telling folks to “move along.”)
Dec. 17: Weapons stand (Weapons!)
Dec. 18: Y-Wing Fighter (this particular Y-Wing is apparently — according to Google searches — from “The Clone Wars” cartoon series airing on the Cartoon Network. This is a BTL-B Y-Wing, which is not to be confused with the more familiar BTL-S3 Y-Wing, which gets some serious action time in the “Star Wars Holiday Special” cartoon.)
Dec. 19: TIE Fighter pilot (I had one of these action figures — along with the obligatory TIE Fighter — when I was a youngster. It was one of my favorites. The TIE Fighter was cool because you could press a button and the wings would pop off.)
Dec. 20: TIE Fighter (TIE stands for Twin Ion Engine. And, the “terrifying roar of a TIE’s engines strikes fear into the hearts of all enemies of the Empire,” according to StarWars.com.)
Dec. 21: Millennium Falcon (which probably took a much shorter time to put together than this one.)
Dec. 22: RZ-1 A-wing interceptor (which is a really fancy name for something that was approximately 8-to-10 pieces. In the Star Wars universe, the A-wing comes at a cost of 175,000 credits^(source). For perspective, Obi-Wan Kenobi “Old Ben” and Luke Skywalker hooked up with Han Solo and Chewbacca for a ride on the Millennium Falcon for 17,000 credits in Mos Eisley.)
Dec. 23: Intergalactic Life Day tree (looks a lot like our traditional Christmas tree.)
Dec. 24: Yoda Claus (he even has gifts to give to the younglings!)

Related Star Wars points of discussion here at Rhino’s Sports Pub and Bacon Bistro:
• My inconsequential Stars Wars characters that I owned action figures of power rankings
• My power rankings of what Lobot is listening to in those headphones
• My things that are awesome power rankings: Star Wars bounty hunters
• My Star Wars droid power rankings
• My dark lords of the Sith power rankings
• My Star Wars bounty hunter power rankings
• My Star Wars planets power rankings

“Bounty hunters. We don’t need that scum.” — Admiral Piett.

Related awesomeness: Boba Fett, IG-88, 4-LOM, Zuckuss, Dengar, Bossk, bounty hunter power rankings, Family Guy Star Wars specials, Star Wars Holiday Special, spaceships, Death Star, lasers

Origins of awesomeness: Many think that the bounty hunters’ first appearance in a Star Wars production was when Darth Vader famously told Boba Fett, “No disintegrations!” (Well, and there’s Greedo, that hack, who at first got shot by Han Solo without engaging in combat, but then the story changed and Greedo fired first, missed and got burned at the Cantina in Mos Eisley that fateful day in a galaxy far, far away when the Empire’s scramble to find the droids they were looking for was kicked into hyperdrive).

Greedo was a bounty hunter, but we’re here to celebrate those killers who lined up on the Star Destroyer Executor with the intent to bring down the Millenium Falcon. That all-star crew included Fett, Dengar, the Intergalactic hit droid IG-88, Bossk, 4-LOM and Zuckuss. Given that cast of characters, we’re looking back to 1978 at the infamous Star Wars Holiday Special, in which we were first introduced to Boba Fett (in cartoon form!).

“Follow me friend …”

(Oh, young Luke, so naïve.)

Today, Sept. 16, marks the release of yet another incarnation of the Star Wars films — this time the complete six-movie series on Blue-ray — with the requisite adjustments by George Lucas to the original trilogy (hopefully, the next Star Wars release includes fixes to the prequel trilogy). So, the timing appears right for Rhino’s Sports Pub to celebrate something from Star Wars that is really quite awesome.

Bounty hunters!

Turns out the series needed their scum … despite split seconds of screen time in Empire, the bounty hunters each have elaborate backstories. IG-88 apparently uploaded himself into the second Death Star’s main computer (destroyed by the Rebel Alliance). Bossk writes mystery novels when not hunting down key figures in the rebellion against the Empire. 4-LOM is a model railroader. Zuckuss likes to make paper maches of famous interstellar starships. And Dengar, well, he just has a giant backpack (and, if you had the original Kenner action figure — which I did — then you’d know that it was hard to keep Dengar upright).

A pretty typical look for Dengar, falling over because his backpack is so heavy.

- A star map
- Extra material for head wrap bandage
- Shopping list for space groceries
- Laser gun cartridges
- A baseball cap
- Thermo-nuclear grenades
- Bottle of water
- Corellian to Bocce translation dictionary
- Foldable battle axe
- Duct tape
- Ion blaster
- Compass
- Can of mixed nuts
- Photo of his family on Corellia
- Yoga mat

Dengar is awesome.

It’s Friday the 13th, and on this day two unlucky Autobots have perished, but not in the “cool, they were terminated by being at the messy end of Megatron’s fusion cannon” sort of way.

Mudflap and Skids won’t appear in the third (and final) installment of the live-action Transformers films this summer (due in theaters July 4 … mark your calendars, go get in line soon dressed as Optimus if that’s your thing).

Rather than just completely eliminate these two nuisances without any semblance of closure, let’s skip this awkward “hey, these two dumb robots won’t even appear” scenario and instead see Mudflap and Skids get blown apart early in Transformers: Dark of the Moon, perhaps at the hands of a badass such as Shockwave. That would just be jazaabulous.

Ratchet is executed in the cartoon Transformers movie from 1986 in the sort of manner Mudflap and Skids should in the 2011 live-action version.

More:

• My Decepticon power rankings
• There’s going to be an Autobot that resembles Einstein
• My every-day things that can be Transformers

1. MSE-6 droid (aka mouse droid) — Sort of an intergalactic Roomba^TM, it was famously frightened by a growling Chewbacca on the first Imperial Death Star. Do you ever wonder if the Mouse Droids are an infestation on the Death Star much like rats in NYC?

2. R2-D2 (Artoo-Detoo) — Poor decision to appear in the prequel trilogies drops this uber-popular droid from the top spot.

3. 2-1B (Too-Onebee) — Had two epic moments of glory in the greatest of all films (“Star Wars: Episode V – The Empire Strikes Back” … don’t act so surprised, your highness). The first came at Echo Base on Hoth (they should have called it “Coldth”) when 2-1B saved Luke Skywalker after the brutal attack of that tauntaun-eating snow monster and suffering from exposure to Hoth’s frigid environment, then again when Luke’s hand was mercilessly cut off in an episode of domestic abuse at the hands of the sinister Darth Vader.

4. IG-88 — Already appeared in my Star Wars bounty hunter power rankings for being the most famous assasin droid in the galaxy; got a split second of face time in “Star Wars: Episode V – The Empire Strikes Back,” but apparently has some elaborate backstory and a hilarious hit list of NFL personalities.

5. GNK power droid (aka “the gonk droid”) — Unleash your inner artist, and check out these instructions to draw your own “gonk droid.” If you’re real ambitious, there are some pretty simple instructions out there if you’d like to build your own pet “gonk droid.”

6. C-3PO (See-Threepio) — Kind of mean to R2 (“Don’t call me a mindless philosopher, you overweight glob of grease” … those are fightin’ words, 3PO); kick to R2′s backside after landing on Tattooine was kind of uncalled for, too, IMHO.

7. R5-D4 — Having a “bad motivator” actually improves this droid’s stock here.

8. IT-O — The work of this droid most likely led to the undoing of Princess Leia Organa’s beloved home planet of Alderaan.

9. Imperial probe droid — In a short five minutes viewers of the greatest of all films (“Star Wars: Episode V – The Empire Strikes Back” … search your feelings, you know it to be true) went from “It’s a good bet the Empire knows we’re here” to Imperial AT-AT walkers (“Ah Jim … giant robot camels”) blowing things up (including the Rebellion’s shield generator) with no remorse.

10. Spider droid — Yeah, guess at least one droid from the prequel trilogy had to appear on this list.

We’re talking base-ball (and some other stuff) …

» Because ESPN insists on being a PR vehicle for the Boston Red Sox and New York Yankees, we here at the Sports Pub are opting to try to watch our favorite teams via MLB Extra Innings on DirecTV (the irony here is that if you click on that MLB Extra Innings link, it’s littered with photos of Alex Rodriguez and the “big sloppy,” David Ortiz).

Of 11 already-scheduled, nationally televised games for either ESPN or ESPN the deuce, six involved either the Red Sox, Yankees or both. ESPN might realize that there are actually 28 other teams in MLB, but not many more.

I guess the bottom line here is — and please don’t take this the wrong way — that I’m making it my own personal crusade to avoid the Red Sox and Yankees as much as possible during the 2011 Major League Baseball season. That is going to be hard (re: impossible) to do.

» Sports Illustrated‘s respected baseball writer, Tom Verducci, recently posted his “Most Compelling Players of 2011″ list. Only one Yankees player (Derek Jeter) and no Red Sox players made the top 10. The defending World Series champion San Francisco Giants have two of the top three — pitchers Tim Lincecum and Brian Wilson. The defending American League champion Texas Rangers have the other player in the top three, outfielder Josh Hamilton (in the piece, Verducci compares Hamilton to Mickey Mantle … that’s heady stuff).

As the current national TV schedule has it now, ESPN/2 will air one game involving the Rangers (Sunday, April 17, against … drum roll please … the Yankees!), and no more games featuring your World Series champions (though, they were on an ESPN2 telecast on Sunday, April 3 against the rival Los Angeles Dodgers).

» For all the hoopla surrounding the top quarterbacks in the 2011 NFL Draft (namely Cam Newton and Blaine Gabbert), I really believe that one of the “second-tier” group of QB prospects will be the better pro passer. I’m looking for TCU’s Andy Dalton to be that man.

That being said, the Carolina Panthers — a team struggling to be even remotely relevant — would be crazy to not select Newton with the No. 1 overall pick.

» From Tuesday: Inter Milan 2-5 FC Schalke 04. Shocking! Inter are the defending UEFA Champions League (umm …) champions.

» You didn’t ask, but here are my brief thoughts on a movie I saw recently, Battle Los Angeles … check your brain at the door and enjoy the ride, better than expected, a jazaabulous explosion-filled tour de force, earning a rating of three popcorn bags out of a possible five.

» Complex.com recently dropped a “50 demolished stadiums we love” list. Seemed like a fun way to spend five to 10 minutes. Somehow, to my utter surprise, neither Milwaukee County Stadium nor Cleveland Municipal Stadium made the cut (SPOILER ALERT: Some crap shack called “Yankee Stadium” was ranked No. 1).

Complex.com did redeem itself, however, with its “5 reasons to get excited about the 2011 MLS season” list, which had the Pacific Northwest rivalry respectfully placed at No. 2 (it’s No. 1 in our hearts and minds, but Thierry Henry was a very valid choice for the top spot).

» There’s a team called the Omicrons in my softball team’s league. I jokingly like to call them the “Unicrons,” but nobody from my team seems to get it. That’s OK, it’s a Transformers reference, and that toy genre is not exactly in many of my teammates’ wheelhouse.

» I’m cooking up a “My Star Wars droid power rankings.” I don’t want to spoil the surprise, but there might just be an upset at No. 1.

» I’m currently reading Milwaukee Braves: Heroes and Heartbreak, by William Povletich (Amazon page). So far, it’s been a nice trip back to a time when Milwaukee helped revolutionize baseball. The Boston Braves moved to Milwaukee in 1953, five years before the Dodgers and Giants shifted to the West Coast. That was kind of a big deal at the time, because no American League or National League teams had moved in 50 years (1903, when the Baltimore Orioles moved to New York and became the Highlanders first and then ultimately the Yankees).

I didn’t know this, but renegade/promotional genius/pioneer sports team owner Bill Veeck — then owner of the woeful St. Louis Browns of the American League and a former owner of the minor-league Milwaukee Brewers — was also eyeing moving his team to Milwaukee at the time (the Browns ultimately moved to Baltimore and became the Orioles … funny thing is, the Browns were the former Brewers, one of eight original American League teams in 1901).

The Milwaukee Browns? Could you imagine how history would have been different?

Until then, feel free to meet me at the bar …

Follow Rhino on Twitter @jimreineking.

1. Darth Vader
2. Darth Sideous
3. Darth Maul
4. Darth Tyranus (a.k.a. Count Dooku)
5. Darth Plagueis “the wise”

1. Boba Fett
2. IG-88
3. Dengar
4. Zuckuss
5. 4-LOM

There’s apparently a giant, new planet hiding out somewhere in the nether regions of our solar system. We hope it’s Tatooine.

With that in mind, here are our favorite Star Wars planets (for the record, the worlds of the prequel trilogy were barely considered and generally scoffed at).

1. Tatooine
2. Hoth
3. Dagobah
4. Bespin
5. Coruscant

The Internet revealed some crazy, sorta-kinda out there fun facts regarding our favorite Star Wars planets. Here’s a sampling …

» Coruscant’s orbital period is 368 days, unless, of course, the Yuuzthan Vong has moved the planet closer to its sun, then it’s 212 days.
» The major species of Dagobah are the swamp slug, dragonsnake and knobbly white spider. The “Dark Side Cave” is a popular destination for tourists.
» Despite the fact that the entire Star Wars storyline seems to center around Tatooine, the planet only has a population of 200,000 (compared to a whopping 1,000,000,000,000 for Coruscant).

… There’s going to be an Autobot in the new Transformers movie that resembles Albert Einstein.

You may and/or may not recall that a trailer for Transformers: Dark of the Moon aired during Super Bowl XLV (a game won by the Green Bay Packers).

That wasn’t at all a surprise (neither was the result of the game).

What is a surprise? That an alien robot will assume the likeness of the noted theoretical physicist. I’m going to take this as an early sign that the movie won’t be taking itself too seriously, even though the fate of the entire universe will likely hang in the balance.

I learned this because it’s no longer football season.

More:
• My Decepticon power rankings
• My every-day things that can be Transformers

The third — and apparently final — installment of the live-action Transformers movies is due out in theaters on June 29. At the top of my head, this is the most-anticipated movie of the year that I can think of at the moment.

With that fun to look forward to this summer, a Decepticons power rankings was necessary …

1. Soundwave — Held an army of evil little robots in his chest to unleash in quick order on unsuspecting Autobots.

2. Shockwave — Was the smart Decepticon, staying on Cybertron to avoid repeated Autobot beat downs.

3. Devastator — This confluence of six construction vehicles merging together to form one super-sized destruction machine probably could have delivered victory to the evil and diabolical Decepticons if Megatron could get his act together.

4. Ramjet — Well, there’s got to be some Decepticon more worthy of this spot than Megatron, right? And, why not Ramjet, who bears an uncanny resemblance to a certain infamous soccer player …

5. Megatron — Major underachieving leader of the Decepticons has been a disappointment in both cartoon and live-action form. Somehow, Megatron can’t lead his army of hit-robots that transform into battle tanks, fighter jets and other various forms of heavy machinery to victory over an Autobot army of VWs, soccer-mom SUVs and sports cars. Shame!